Your little one picks up on so much more than you think. We don’t need you shoving flashcards in our face that have the stupid faces on them for us to conceptualize emotions. That always pissed me off and was not helpful. What did help me learn emotions was observing others interact.

The same as any kid would.

Shocking, I know.

We can read facial expressions and body language and the energy in the room better than you can. Those are necessities when you can’t talk to anybody. You don’t know unless you are one of us what a day in our body feels like. Not being able to do what you want, and not being able to STOP doing what you DON’T want, feels like agony. On top of this, we can’t communicate. We can’t regulate ourselves. And on top of THAT, we have adults ordering us around all day long.

If you were us, would you be frustrated? Would you yell or cry when you’ve had enough? Would it help to be scolded for said yelling and crying?

Reflect on this when you begin to lose patience with us.

My big sister Ava is my favorite person in the world. She has always known that I love her so much, but I could not say it in my own way.

We have always been best buddies, because she understands me better than anybody else. If you have a sister, you know what a special bond it is.

Ava is the most patient girl in the world, although I am not always the easiest of sisters to have.

If I have a meltdown, she understands.

If I wake her up, she understands.

I would have trouble calming down a lot and Ava is like a rescue raft in the ocean. She doesn’t judge me or scold me, she just saves me.

Everyone should know what it is like to have an Ava. I am so grateful to have her as a sister for life.

She is everything.

PS: I also have a brother, he’s cool too.

I have had the pleasure of spending my childhood in every therapy of mankind. From physical, occupational, speech, feeding, and ABA. I’ve done it all. I can remember this being my normal routine for many years. Us kids on the spectrum don’t have the typical after school schedule other kids do. Instead of watching TV and snacking on the couch after getting home, we are still going.

A good therapist will understand we may be exhausted from our school day. I have been referred to as “not being motivated” or “hard to engage”. I’m just tired, ok? Jeez!

That’s another issue with some therapists. They overtreat when it is not needed. They look at us like something they can fix or improve. There is a difference between treating your client and changing their life.

Good therapists look at the big picture and build a bond with their client.

Bad therapists treat our goals like To Do lists they need to cross off.

Bad therapists offer bribes to earn compliance from clients.

Here’s an idea: Get to know your client and what supports they need! This helps us feel safe and builds trust. I’m learning nothing from somebody I don’t think I can trust.

I have instincts about therapists. I can tell if you dread your time with me. I can tell if you think I’m beyond help. I’m just beyond who they’ve helped in the past! That’s a “them” problem.

We want to make changes in our lives and you are able to help us. We are more appreciative of good therapists than we can outwardly show. The ones who have open minds and are able to think outside the box. The ones who don’t judge our behavior challenges.

You make the world a better place for us. We can’t thank you enough.

I think that lots of people are confused by me. They hear me sing and hum and quote shows. Nobody looks at me and says, “that girl is nonverbal”, because my mouth doesn’t stop talking. I would not call myself nonverbal, I am super verbal. I never shut up! I would call myself really more non-communicative with my speech. Words can come from my mouth but my thoughts and opinions cannot. The words coming from my mouth is a result of echolalia and scripting.

Why do I script?

I do it for various reasons. It helps me cope in distress and feel regulated. I am very anxious, I always have been. Thanks, autism. The way I soothed myself was with video clips from my favorite shows. I watched them until I memorized everything about these video clips. I’m talking dialogue and pitch inflection and even accents. This way when I don’t have access to watch the clip I can act it out to soothe my anxiety. Just because I can perform Bubble Guppies doesn’t mean I can talk to you. If you find this confusing, imagine how I felt!

Here’s what I know. My brain works and my mouth works, but they refuse to work together. Instead of saying what I think and feel, my mouth blurts out over-practiced phrases. Trust me when I say my brain is not thinking what my mouth is speaking or singing. If you wanna know why my brain and mouth won’t synchronize, it’s very complex. I like to think of my brain and body like a bitterly divorced couple who refuses to work together for my benefit. If you wanna know the actual reason, you can ask Katie*. I figure I’ll let her spell it out because I’d rather use my motor skills to share my experiences.

Basically, if you wanna converse, we can type but not talk. Is it the most convenient way to communicate? No. But it’s more convenient than my unreliable speech!

*Katie is my spelling and typing teacher.

My name is Riley. I am a teenage girl like many others in some ways. I am addicted to my phone. I enjoy when my hair and nails are done. I love a good musical. Some days I have mood swings. I also hated school, but not for the reasons you might be thinking. I did not start talking until last summer. Typing is brand new for me. I have tried to learn to talk with my mouth my whole life. I suck at it. I can quote cartoons all day long, and I do. But don’t expect much else. What nobody could notice is that there was so much more to me than my mouth could say. So what is out there for a girl like me? Not a lot.

I went to a school that had no clue what to do with me. They thought because I can’t speak like them I was not intelligent. I was taught shapes, numbers, and colors a million times over. I was berated and told “calm body” and “safe hands”. My “safe hands” were about to strangle someone I was so frustrated. They would have deserved it.